Now is my true sunshine... The sunshine that GOD had in mind for me...
Finally walked out of his place... finally made the first real step in moving on... determined not to turn ard for it is the better for all.. best for me and my little boy! Though movin back home might not be the most ideal path, but it is the path tat gives me the most confidence in moving on in life! May GOD back me up in this choice.. or otherwise, show me the right path tat i shd take...
The stress and agony during these few mths is smthing i cannot describe... this whole year of 2009 is smthing tat i wanna throw out of my head... but i noe it will stay! it will forever be at the back of my head and i juz have to bear wif it! Hoping it will better thru time!! hence the best way is always to accept it... come to terms with it... and seek e best way to live with it! May GOD give me the wisdom and a forgiving heart to walk out of his shadows as "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" -Phil. 4:13
At times i would wanna know what is going on in his life.. but deep inside, there is a voice telling me, "Does it matters?!" This tiny voice had been inside me for so long... and it is getting louder each day.. and now i heard it! Loud and clear.. and now i can safely say, "IT DOESN'T MATTER..." He will still do what he does... if he can do it to one.. no one can gurantee he wun do to the next.. or the next following one... life is upredictable! so are human beings.. tat is y we are weak by ourselves! Always changing minds.. always having second tots.. always having self doubts.. always having regrets... always indecisive... always suspicious.. and the list goes on n on!!! But i believe we can decide things thru HIM! Juz like what e senior pastor said during one of his sermon that love between a couple is nv a bed of roses... love between earthly beings nv last... but one thing we can do is to CHOOSE TO LOVE AND NOT LET LOVE CHOOSE U! CHOOSE TO REMAIN FAITHFUL! CHOOSE TO DO THE RIGHT THINGS! Life on earth is so short... uncertainities can last a lifetime... so y bow down to them?! :)
The pain and hurt will be the gentle reminders of GOD's fiery and strict ways while his miracles and quiet whispers will be the grace and love in my life... in jovan's life... the day i cried in front of HIM with Jovan inside me, i knew i will have to walk in his ways. HE is always blessing me with people ard me.. giving the support at timely intervals... giving me strength bit by bit.. giving me challenges to always prepare me for e next.. Till what i am today! I can feel i am growing stronger.. though i am far from what HE wants me to be, at least i am determined to be that angel worthy of his guidance.
Everyting happen for a purpose! We can live in regrets.. we can dwell in agony... we can immerse in sadness... but no used questioning mistakes that were already done for i believe mistakes happened for a reason! I shall constantly seek e reason and hold it dearly to me! Even if Jovan is a mistake.. he is a beautiful mistake... a perfect mistake tat i am willing to bear! i no longer see Jovan as part of him... i see Jovan as a part of me! Wuhahaha.. to be exact... a part of my flabby tummy.. :p
Deep inside.. i noe... i believe... 2010 will be a better year... will be the best year... :)
May GOD shower me with sunshine always... the sunshine tat HE deem i deserve...
Wee Wee
